I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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