Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
