I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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