We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
