Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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