Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just found puke in my bra..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So much rum. So many feels.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
