PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
