I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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