I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
