Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
