Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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