Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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