Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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