i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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