you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
