My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
