Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
