trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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