I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
