do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
