there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
