I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
