Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
