I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
