last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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