hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
