In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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