running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need to calm my uterus...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
