so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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