I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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