i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
high people should be assigned attendants
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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