i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
