Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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