when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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