I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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