Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
