Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
