My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
