I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
