I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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