so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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