Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
