I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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