I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
