Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
