I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
