You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
