I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
