Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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