i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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