it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just want nice things and good sex
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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