I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
