I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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