Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
