I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
