I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
